FALLING LEAVES

Our lives are rife with contradictions. We shift from one personality to another, always aware of our own identity but never really experiencing what it means to be alone with ourselves, or within ourselves. And so it is difficult to fix ourselves to a path, or a set of goals, without being influenced by the outside world. But it seems as though if we could be determined in all of our actions, if we could channel all our energy into a singular purpose, we could achieve anything with ease. We would be like Siddhartha, whose “goal attracts him, because he doesn't let anything enter his soul which might oppose the goal (p.59).”

But how do we reach this state of being? Even Siddhartha, after going through the rigors of ascetism and the learning of a Brahmin, cannot hold onto the sublime state of moving independently through life. What hope do we have, constantly bombarded with materialism and fed the opinions of others? We are indeed “like a falling leaf that is blown and is turning around through the air, wavering and tumbling to the ground (p.69).”

Even after becoming a samana,
Siddhartha did not find nirvana.
source: http://www.wikiwak.com/image/Ascetic+Bodhisatta+Gotama+with
+the+Group+of+Five.jpg

Hesse’s book has given me a lot to contemplate thus far, and I am curious to see how this problem gets resolved. How does one hold onto a supreme sense of self, capable of overcoming any worldly trial, without becoming completely detached from the actual world of humanity? We must constantly sacrifice parts of ourselves to function within a society; I watch it happen everyday. We must then decide if that loss is outweighed by what we gain from human interaction – whether it is a physical relationship like that between Siddhartha and Kamala or a deep friendship like that between Siddhartha and Govinda. I think that the balance depends on surrounding yourself with the right people. Siddhartha maintained his love for Kamala because he saw in her a similar soul, but had to sacrifice that relationship because he was disillusioned by the other people he had to interact with.

We are all like falling leaves.
source: http://problemamuslim.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/falling_leaves.jpg

I can relate to Siddhartha in many ways. His constant yearning for an ultimate knowledge and his revelation that certain types of knowledge are not to be attained by learning mirrors my own. I have sought much by looking first inside myself rather than looking towards others, and like Siddhartha, “my trust in words that come from teachers is small (p.25),” not out of disrespect, but out of an understanding of the relativity of truth. I face many of the same contradictions in my daily life as Siddhartha, mainly in my attitudes towards other people and the importance of the self in attaining a nirvana-like state of existence. Sometimes I feel like Siddhartha felt when “he saw mankind going through life like a child or an animal that he both loved and despised at the same time (p.67).” I often feel disconnected from the culture I’m entrenched in, despite being a large participator in its daily manifestations. In the end, my goal is happiness, the cessation of suffering, and as Hesse’s book reaffirms, a weighing mind and constant moderation is a way to attain that goal.